This thing you called logic...what is that?

A few days ago, a crack group of bloggers got together for the purpose of making their blogs the best that they could be.  They promptly realized this group created an almost unholy alliance of ADD, creativity and opinions (so many opinions).  This consortium of evil geniuses is comprised of a theatrical adventurer (Me), a bibliophile  and a snarky wandering nerd  Any questions, comments or concerns should be forwarded to our Editor in Chief, Miss Bookish Girl. Unless they are related to our sanity or grasp of logic. In which case, check those at the door.

Much like the Twilight Zone, this is a dimension of imagination.  Realizing that their arguments and discussions could in fact, be part of the blog, they decided to occasionally post them.  If you see one of these posts, do not click away, do not adjust your monitor, you have just born witness to, Rejecting Logic!

 Sometimes adventures come in the form of spirited discussion.  Here is one of them...

Logic Vs. Amazon

Part 1 (maniacal laugh, maniacal laugh)

Mousecapades

Today there will be a different format for the blog post.  My friend Bella Rachel and I went to a show. Then an odd thing happened to us after the show.  We have found though, in the course of telling this story, that our approaches to this adventure were vastly different.  Hence, this post is being told from both of our points of view.  And, because we are wordy, this long.

So get a drink and a snack and strap in....

To avoid confusion my pov is prefaced by EM and hers will be prefaced by BR
Ready?
Ok

Setting the scene:  We are alone, in a parking lot of a strip mall.  It is well after 10pm and there is really no one else about. Bella Rachel’s car was parked here during the show and so I have parked my car in the spot directly to the left of hers.

EM: After the show, but us, being us, we never just say goodnight and then leave.  We had to sit there and discuss everything and anything ranging from the show to …well anything.  I had pulled up next to her car, so that eventually when we decided it was time to go home, it was not very far to go.

As we were talking I saw some movement in the passenger seat behind Rachel’s head.  Totally forgetting that this was her car I said,” I think there is a dog in that car”.

Without even blinking she says, “There is no dog in that car.  That is my car”.

“Oh, that’s right,” I said thinking, “How funny that I forgot that I parked next to her car not even 10 minutes ago”..and we went back to talking. 

A few moments later I thought I saw some more movement and I said, “I swear something is moving in that car….I think you have a ghost”.

“What?” she exclaimed, “There is no ghost in my car”. 

“Well, something is moving in that car”.

“No”, she said patiently (and a little slowly as if I big words might be confusing), “It’s just the lights from the cars that are turning in and out of the parking lot”.

“Huh...that makes sense”, I said.

BR: Why is the logical next step from dog in the car, a ghost in the car? Do you see why I felt that big words might be a little difficult at the moment?

EM: While I concede that lights is most logical as an explanation, since you made it abundantly clear that there was no animal in your car, ghost was the next thing to pop in my mind.

Moving on….

We continue to talk and I see the movement again and this time I see that it is not a ghost or a dog; it is a mouse …in her car!

“Um…there is a mouse in your car”, I said slowly.  I was also trying hard not to let the smile in to the sound of my voice.  Cause, really?  How did this happen? And it’s hilarious (Said in sing song voice...go ahead, it’s fun)

“What?!?!?” she squeaked and turned around to see, probably holding out hope that I am lying.  And there is the mouse, stretching out in all his mousey glory, as he tried to see how tall he could get as he looked out the window of her car.

BR: It’s true. For a split second, I fully believed that EM was lying to me to fuck with me. I also deny that I “squeaked”.

EM:  She totally squeaked

Bella Rachel turns to me, with an accusatory stare and tone and says, “These kinds of things never happened to me before I met you!”

“What? I had nothing to do with this!” I said in disbelief.

“These kinds of things only happened to me AFTER I met you!”

“This is NOT my fault!” I said, in between giggles, but trying to look affronted at the implication that this is somehow my fault.

BR: I still believe that the mouse is EM’s fault. Before EM, no mice in my car. After EM, there is a mouse in my car. See the correlation? And you vehemently telling me that this was NOT your fault is decidedly unconvincing when you are giggling uncontrollably.

EM:  That is terrible logic.  

“There cannot be a mouse in my car!  I am afraid of mice”, she wailed, “So he can’t be in my car”. (best logic ever, I am afraid of it so it can’t be)

“Ok, then let us get him out of your car”, I said and opened my door, totally failing at trying not to giggle cause this sh*t was funny.

BR: I maintain that I neither wailed nor squeaked.

I did say, “I cannot drive my car with a mouse in it. If he stays there, we have to leave my car here and I will be coming home with you. Or, we can trade cars and I will return your car once mine no longer has a mouse in it.”
EM, not particularly liking either of those ideas, managed to stop laughing hysterically long enough to say, “Well, ok, give me your keys.” She proceeded to open all the doors to my car, in hopes that the mouse would scamper out of its own accord.

I, of course, could go nowhere near my car. I was the absolute picture of a distressed woman. 

Em: Complete picture of a distressed woman?  I’m glad no one in this post is being over dramatic  or anything.

BR: I’M over dramatic? Hi, Pot, my name is Kettle.

However, not all was lost! We are both married to manly men. Surely, one of them has an idea of how to remove said mouse from my car. Yes?

While EM called her husband, I texted mine. He had been imbibing throughout the evening and his most recent text said, “Are you coming home soon?” I responded with, “I would love to come home, but there’s a mouse in my car.” Now, my husband is well aware of my fear/hatred of mice. I expected an appropriately shocked response and an immediate inquiry into my mental state and well being. What I received, however, was “Oh noes!” Followed shortly by, “I promise it won’t crawl up your leg and bite you while you drive.”
…..
Yes, he said that. Fail on the husband front.

So, EM decides that leaving all of the doors open and blaring the radio is the best plan to scare the mouse out. Not having a better suggestion, I stood as far away from car as I possibly could while still being near it. As I continued to pace the area and restate that I could not possibly drive my car while there was a mouse in it, we waited for a few moments and nothing happened.

Finally, EM came up with a brilliant plan. We would turn off the radio, close up the car, and roll down the one window where this mouse had previously been spotted. We would then sit in her car and wait for the mouse to come to the window again.

At this point we were coming to terms with absurdity of our situation and began posting on Twitter and Facebook what we were going through. Suffice it to say, our friends were no more helpful than our husbands. 

EM thought to Google ways to get a mouse out of a car. Those suggestions were…kind of worthless.

EM: Google suggestions:  Get a cat, drown it in a bucket of water, cover something in peanut butter....

BR: The way you wrote those suggestions, it sounds like steps...

EM: Fine
Suggestion 1: Get a Cat
Suggestion 2: Drown it in a bucket of water
Suggestion 3:Cover something in peanut butter

BR: Love you!!!! :)

Anyway, we continued chatting and waiting for the mouse when, suddenly, the mouse appeared! EM was very helpful (insert sarcastic tone here) (EM: I was so helpful it isn’t even a joke!)at this point as she began using a sweet voice usually reserved for pets and tried to talk the mouse of the car, saying what a pretty and healthy mouse it was. I, being less concerned with the health of the mouse than with its whereabouts, was less than amused by her.

EM: So. True.  You were in fact, mean to the mouse.  She starts yelling at the mouse “Mouse (BR: expletive)!  You get out of my car!  Right! (BR: Expletive!) Now!”

The mouse failed to respond.  In fact, he gave us the mouse version of F-U and scampered away from the window and over to the drivers seat.  Bella Rachel, in her “picture of a distressed woman”pose, turns away from the window as she cannot bring herself to see what he has planned.  

The mouse then starts running back and forth across the dashboard (laps, what is this, a gym?) (BR: Yes, it was a full-service moving hotel) and I say “Do not turn around.”

Unable to do the very (small) thing I asked, she turns around to see the mouse stop in the middle of her dashboard and survey his mousey little kingdom.

“Mouse!  Get out of my car!” she yells (Thank goodness the parking lot was empty or people would have thought we had lost our minds) meanwhile I am saying (BR: in her syrupy sweet, kind voice), “Mouse, why are you making her mad?  Just get out of the car.  There are restaurants here, garbage cans, grocery stores and a sewer entrance...it’s like mouse heaven!”  

Now imagine us doing this at the same time, in the general direction of her car for about a full minute.

Then the mouse makes his way to the steering wheel, climbs on it and then does this:
This is the mouse...clearly, he was kind of a jerk

Her screaming at the mouse gets worse and I collapse into giggles.

BR: That’s cuz you’re a b*tch (sing-song voice...omg, you’re right, it IS fun)

EM: Why does it sound like F-U when you say it like that?

Then, a few minutes later the mouse is done congratulating himself on what an awesome mouse he is and decides he needs fresh air...at the window we left open for him.......and …...stops.  I am trying to coax him out into the awesomeness that is the outside of her car, in between giggling when Bella Rachel turns to me and says, “I don’t know who I hate more at this moment, you or the mouse”.

Luckily, the mouse then lost his footing and fell out of the car.  Scampering away into the darkness.

Excited that this is now over I say, “Yay! Drive safely! Let me know when you get home”.

Bella Rachel says, “We have to wait a few minutes”.

“For what?”

“In case he comes back”, she said in all seriousness.

Apparently he is the super spy of mice.

BR: Wait....when did we decide he likes opera??

EM: All spies like opera...duh

BR: Look, I know you’re making fun of me (and I’m crushed), but this was an important step. If I had gotten out of my car and into yours and during this process the mouse had hopped back into my car, I would have passed the F out. Also, right around this point is when a policeman drove by. We were both aggravated that he wasn’t around sooner (to help) and also glad he wasn’t around sooner (to declare us insane for yelling at a mouse).

EM: At some point you may have tried to grab his gun and shoot the damn mouse.

BR: Or, you.

EM:  No, no...definitely the mouse

After a sufficient amount of time has passed I am given permission to check her car for super sneaky mice that possibly might be trying to get back in the car (there were none) and after it was declared safe....She got into her car.

Where she found this note:

Wouldn't that have been amazing?!?!?!

BR: Remember that part where it sounded like I was saying F-U? That was a good part.

As a side note, this story fully defines our relationship in so many ways. a) we love to f*ck with each other as much as possible. b) it took us about two months to write this. c) one of the best parts of writing this was typing over each in google docs.

EM: That's cause “We’re awesome!”

BR: When you put it in quotes, it sounds less genuine. It’s a scientifical fact that we are awesome.

Oh!!! And, we named the mouse. We named him Anakin. Know why? Cuz I hate little Anakin. And I hate that super fluffy healthy mouse.

EM: But he was so fluffy and healthy he couldn't have been in our car very long...that is all I’m trying to say

BR: HE.WAS.IN.MY.CAR.

EM: I still maintain this wasn’t and could never be, my fault.

BR: It’s ok, I totally forgive you.

EM: For helping you when you were a “completely distressed woman”?

BR: …...sure. THAT. Quick question: what’s 2 + 2 (for large values of 2) = ?

EM: 5!

He's his what????

My husband and I went to Costco, a place where it is truly best if we stay together.  Unfortunately, I was immediately distracted by this.

Two televisions playing both Star Wars and The Empire Strikes Back simultaneously?  There is no way I could resist watching them.  They even ended at the same time.

My husband was very happy about this development, not only did it mean he would know where I was the entire time, but that he could shop without restraint.

Which reminds me, anyone want some spicy pickle chips?  We have a tub of them...

Do I look like I work here?

Not long ago I was in Portland, Oregon for a family wedding.  I don't know about you, but sometimes, while I find family wonderful, I want to be off on my own and away from good meaning, if sometimes overly protective eyes.

On this trip I was the lone member of my immediate family, my parents, brother and husband having stayed in San Diego due to prior commitments and responsibilities.  This left me alone with my aunts, uncles and cousins.  I come form a large, loud family and everyone has an opinion and isn't afraid to share it.  I'm sure people love it when we role into town. 

It doesn't help that I am the only girl in a family of boys and therefore am sometimes subject to loving, if unnecessary, over protective instincts.  I have gone to Europe by myself, am married and own a home, but when with my family, I am 12.  So you can see how this could get a little cloying and claustrophobic.

It was one of the hottest days of the summer in Portland, well over 95 degrees, and our little family group had been wandering all over downtown in a large, loud bickering group.  Knowing that I had an appointment in 2 hours in the same area, I told them to explore the city without me, so that I wasn't late for my appointment (appointment was an adventure unto itself and will be posted about later).  Liberated, I used this as a chance to explore Portlands downtown and Chinatown area.

I wandered the blocks, happily ducking into little shops and chatting with people in coffee shops.  I crossed the street looking for a famous donut shop in the area and decided that I needed a break in the shade and I would call my Mom to fill her in on the day.  Finding a big block of shade on the block while looking down at my phone, I leaned against the wall under the awning and chatted with my Mom.

This block was packed as the line from this shop grew and grew.  I am a fan of donuts, but waiting in the hot sun for over an hour for a donut is just not something that I could bring myself to do.  I was telling my mom about this massive line when a gentleman walked up to me and handed me his drivers license.

Startled, and thinking "why is this guy handing this to me?' I looked up, smiled and gave it back, all the while never stopping the phone conversation.  A moment later another guy gave me his license and I said, "Cool, you're from Washington" and handed it back to him.

"What?", my Mom asked, because Washington was in no way the correct response to our conversation.

"Sorry Mom, its just that 2 guys have handed me their drivers licenses for no reason, so I handed them back.  The last one was from Washington."

"Why would they hand you their licenses?", she asked.

"No, idea", I replied, looking back down at the sidewalk.  I propped one foot up against the wall and noticed that the area near my foot had been painted like a castle or a wall.

"Huh, ok...tell me about whats happening with your aunt", my mom continued, unfazed by the odd conversational turn.

I started talking again when another guy walked by and handed me his license.  I looked at him, gave it back and then said,"Mom, I have to go. This keeps happening and I don't know why."

"Does the donut shop serve alcohol?", she asked.

"Not that I'm aware of," I replied as another guy handed me his license," I've got to go".

I handed the guy back his license, hung up with my Mom and looked to my left and my right.  Nothing looked odd and the donut line was still long, but the guys who had given me their licenses were not in the line. Disappearing into thin air seemed unlikely so, where did they go?

Remembering the castle like paint near my foot, I slowly walked out to the street to look at the awning I was standing under.  As the words came into view I slowly see an anime, Sailor Moon-like girl in a thong on a huge banner.  I realize that I am standing at an adult entertainment store!

Apparently I was standing directly in between these two landmarks

Apparently, I was being mistaken for the ID checker for this establishment.  I started giggling, because how in the world had I missed all this?  It was an old movie theatre converted into a an adult entertainment venue and I was completely oblivious. 

Maybe I need that family supervision after all.

The Fuzzy Adventure of a Lifetime

Adventures and escapades come in all shapes and sizes, and this one is no different.  Did you know that October is Adopt a Shelter Dog month?

While this may not seem overly adventurous, but I promise you, the addition of any animal into your life is the fuzzy adventure of a lifetime.  Meet my dogs Charlie and Wilson.

Both are shelter dogs, both had horrible backstories and both had us at "woof".  Charlie was abandoned in a locked yard of an abandoned house, he was under fed, covered in foxtails and many had infected sores from the foxtails.  He was so sick when he was picked up that he had to have surgery in multiple areas to remove the foxtails, including having his front paws split to get them out (ouch!). He was shaved short when we got him but now he looks like this.

He is fat and happy and spoiled and has the sweetest personality.  He loves everyone and has an inordinate love of squeaky toys (the squeakier the better).

This is Wilson, he was hit by a car in front of our house and was running around the neighborhood, scared, hurt and starving.  After catching him (the plan was courtesy of Willie E Coyote and the Roadrunner cartoons) we took him to the vet and fixed him up.  We took him to the shelter in case he was someones, and when it was determined that he was not, we brought him back home.

Wilson follows my husband like he hung the moon, is always willing to cuddle and likes to burrow under the blankets.

Both of these dogs have brought my husband and I a lot of joy and happiness.  They are happy, we are happy and while they sometimes steal the bed and track mud on the floors, they are a part of our family.

The only ones not as happy about their introduction to the household?

These two:

This is Duke, his hobbies include hiding my Nook, any kind of remote and all small electronics by laying on them and cuddling you within an inch of your life.

This is Nicole.  Her hobbies are telling everyone, including us, what to do, sleeping in the sun and graciously allowing us to use the bed at night.

These two are our shelter rescue cats.  They have been with us for 12 years and they completely rule the household.  They also were abused and starved and when we brought them home we didn't see them for a year.  They hid and we'd hear them eating under the cover of darkness.  Now, they boss around everyone in the house, including the dogs.

Is my house over run with animals?  Absolutely.  Is it worth it?  Indubitably 

So this October, if you can, go out and add a member to your family.  I prefer to call it, Adopt a Shelter Animal month, because while you may not be able to save a dog, you could save a cat, a bunny or whatever else you may find.  :)  So join me in this adventure, I promise you that while sometimes it can seem crazy, it is definitely worth it.

If you can't adopt, you can always help out your local shelter by donating time, food and supplies! 

Travel Advisory

New Rule: Beware traveling with Miss Bibliophile Girl!

You may have read our account of the Taxi ride from Hell (click here if you haven’t..I’ll wait)

We got on a shuttle bus with her back to her hotel during Comic Con and at it seemed fine.  We had been walking around for 4 days straight, so sitting in an air conditioned bus was lovely.  The doors close and we’re off.  But then something strange started to happen….the bus driver started talking.

Not talking in a tour guide “See the sights to the right” kind of way.  He was obviously having a conversation with someone in the front of the bus, but he was speaking into the announcement speaker for his side of the conversation, so everyone could hear him.  Here is what we heard:

“Yeah, San Diego has changed a lot…I remember off of  (muffled) street, there used to be lots of them.  I remember the strip clubs and one turned into a Playboy Club!”

“If you all know where you are supposed to be dropped off please let me know because they removed all the signs and I don’t remember all the stops”. (Oh so comforting to hear from your driver)

“ (chuckling) me too..”

“I’m super lucky...(muffled, muffled, muffled) I took a busload of people to LA.  And I took them to the Playboy mansion!”

“I totally bs’d my way in and I spent the evening hanging with the bunnies and I got  play in the Grotto!” (more chuckling)

“Hey, I’m making a turn for the first stop, but after that I don’t know where I am supposed to stop”.

Finally an official announcement: “ I am making the turn to the first stop”.

Followed by:” Here we are at the first stop, please exit here if you want to get off here”.

Everyone practically jumped out of their seats to get into the aisle.  All proper exiting the bus behavior that they teach in elementary school was forgotten in the desire to be off this buss with this skeevy guy. 

From now on I think I’ll just meet her places.

Awkward!!!

I love Comic Con. What other time can you see people dressed as superheroes mingle with movie stars and it’s encouraged? It’s a place where you can see any interaction if you just look around. Which is how I came to witness this really awkwardone…..

I was at the Omni Hotel leaving a press event on a mid-levelfloor. The elevator opens and I walk in,to find a pretty blond woman in a pretty black dress standing next to the button panel. I realize that it is Anna Torv from the television show “Fringe”. I smiled and said, “Hello” as I do when I get into elevators with strangers, but left it at that.

As the doors were closing a guy jumps in and stands rightnext to her. He looks at her a moment and says really excitedly and loudly ,”You’re that girl!”

She had been looking at the floor and looks up and shyly smiled and said,” Yeah…”

He grins and says,” You’re from the show!”

“Um…yeah, that’s me”, she said.

“you’re …um…you’re that girl!”, he exclaims again followed by “What’s your name?”

She tells him her name and he says, “What’s that show you’re on?”

She answers him again and he says,” Yeah, you’re really good in that show……I mean, I don’t watch it…but the commercials are really good.”

A bit startled she say,” Oh, ok..thanks”. Because what can one say to an guy who all but wets himself meeting you and then he blurts out that he has no idea who you are or what show you’re on.

He moves a bit closer to her and she moves a bit further back.

“Are you doing a panel here?” He asked her as we got close to the lobby.

“Yes, I’m going there now,” she replied.

“Yeah, for that show….um, what’s its name again?”, he asked

She replies with the name of the show again and says to bothof us,” Are you media?”

I replied,” I’m a writer” and left it at that.

He says, “I’m a tech guy, I just push all the buttons. They usually don’t let me meet the talent very often.”

Yeah….. that is obvious